We all know the feeling of anger. Hot. Pulse racing. Rage. But what does it mean and how can we harness it? How can we step away from it when we need to? Wrap our arms around it when we want to understand it?
What Is Anger? Anger keeps us safe. It’s a normal human emotion. A therapist once told Audra that anger is helpful. It was like a record scratch. He also said that it’s a spectrum not a light switch. It was a light bulb moment for her. Anger… your friend? Because boy, it can feel tricky. Untrustworthy.
What To Do in the Moment
1. Breath - the surface area of a human lung is the same as a tennis court 750 sq feet. Those lungs, when properly breathing, release 70% of our body’s toxins. Breathing relieves distress, pain & tension. It improves your blood & your mood. Breathing is like a giant right turn in your brain, which while experiencing anger is sending you signals to Fight fight, flight or freeze
2. Phone a friend do not suffer alone. Ask… we promise that we understand. Being vulnerable is super hard. But it’s the way we’re built as humans. Your people want to sit shiva with you, show up for you. They want to be a good moon for you - the moon doesn’t make its own light, it just reflects back to the sun. Your people want to be a safe place, a listening ear & a sounding board.
What To Do Long Term
1. Reflect - Is this a 5 minute problem? 5 hour? 5 days? There are very few 5 month or 5 year problems right? So, as best as you can, tailor your anger to the duration of the problem. This is a muscle that you can build stronger the more you use it.
2. Perceive - Anger is just fear, right? This takes some self inventory, some introspection. Did you know there are only 5 fears we allllll have? Death, bodily harm, loss of autonomy (physical, relational or social fyi this is real for Audra. She values freedom), separation/abandonment/rejection (loss of connection), and ego death (shame, humiliation). If you reeeeally think about it, we bet you could figure out your basic triggering fear. It’ll be the one that’s showing up in the pattern of when you feel angry. And knowledge is power, friends. Knowing your triggers helps you avoid & conquer them.
3. Act - Maybe your action is small & just for you - walking, journaling, exercising. Maybe your action is for someone you love or, dare we say it, for the person angering you. How readical. But maybe your action is big. It’s making change in the world. Find your cause. Be of service to others. It’s the quickest way out of your own head. Btw, posting something on social media isn’t reeeealy acting. Go do something. Ideally for someone else.